Monday, November 28, 2005
I took my little 110 camera to take pictures. His suit is pink, but it's hard to tell in the bright stage light. He's also got an arrow through his head and a banjo. Here's what I learned from this show. If you use a flash when you aren't anywhere near the stage, all you do is light up the back of the peoples heads in front of you.
The other thing I learned is that our friend Mike could not clap on the beat. If you've ever been stuck sitting with a person who can't clap on the beat, you know how annoying that is. It's also kind of embarrassing because it's so noticable. Good god man, you're the only one clapping on the off beat! What is wrong with you?!
Monday, November 21, 2005
In a more innocent age, Burger King gave out stickers to youngsters like me. I'm sure they figured we'd stick them all over the place, thus providing free advertising. But I didn't want their ugly stickers on my bike. Plus I didn't like the Burger King. So I defaced their stickers and proposed random foot against hinder violence against the King.
That damn Burger King has always annoyed me. I'm not sure why. I guess I just don't understand why someone would want to be king of meat. Oh plus, he has an enormous head. What is up with that? There's just something wrong with a person who has a head that big.
When I was a kid, I had a crush on Danny Partridge. I didn't care about teen idol Keith Partridge with his stupid shag hairdo, sensitive puppy dog eyes, or his groovy clothes. Nope, the one who I wanted to marry was that little conman, Danny. So I felt very fortunate to have gotten so many pictures of Danny in one pack of bubblegum cards.
As to the eternal Danny or Keith question? Well lets just consider where they are now. Hmmmm, bitter arrogant pseudo-rockstar or wacky out of control addict in perpetual emotional turmoil?....Umm, I change my favorite to Chris (either of them).
Tuesday, November 15, 2005
1973 - a good year for pirates. Check out the wide lapels, the patches on my jeans, and the six gun tucked into my waistband.
1974 - my mom made these costumes for my brother and I. I'm sure you can tell who he is, but do you know who I am? I'm Captain Marvel Jr, god damn it!! In case you're not familiar with the Shazam comics, here is the Marvel family.
I think my mom did a great job on the costume. Where the hell else would I ever get a Captain Marvel Jr outfit? They certainly aren't going to sell them in stores. I am often asked why I, a young girl, would choose to dress up as a boy rather than go as Mary Marvel. The answer should be clear - only a wimp would dress up as Mary Marvel. Look at her. Granted I didn't have manly muscles, a package, or short hair, but Captain Marvel Jr was so much cooler. He was a crippled newspaper boy, who idolized the Big Red Cheese aka Captain Marvel, and wasn't even related to the rest of them. Yet he still managed to transform into a superhero.
1975 - my brother recycles my pirate scarf and shirt, yet adds a manly wooden sword. His friend Colin dresses as the standard hobo, and my friend Jennifer dresses as a hunchback, although I never did understand the bandage on her head or the blue eyeshadow. I couldn't decide whether to go as a sailor or a ghost. So I went as the ghost of a sailor. That is supposed to be a bullet hole on my bandage and blood running down my cheek. Looks like the ghostly white makeup has rubbed off, which begs the question what the hell was I rubbing my face on?
1976- I was too old to dress up, but my brother and his friend Mike were happy to go trick or treating. I don't think Mike's prison costume was homemade, but it's still cool. My brother's vampire costume is nice too. But those store bought teeth were impossible to speak with making shouts of trick or treat sound more like "rick or reat."
Monday, November 07, 2005
David should consider himself lucky that all I did was make a mustache on him. I could have completely destroyed him like I did to Jan or those idiots in Spec.
Also I'm glad the ad states that no prior hypnotic training is necessary because I didn't think I'd be able to effectively use the top secret accidental discovery. I have confidence that we'll soon be a nation of hypnotists. So I'd better start hypnotizing people now before they learn how to hypnotize me....damn you tv repairman!!
This is the only picture I could find of me in my pink denim jacket. Oddly enough, I am driving an antique car at Storyland, which was very near Six Gun City. Even the most incompetent child driver couldn't maim fellow park goers due to the metal rail in the ground that the wheels would hit if you got too far off course.
Thursday, November 03, 2005
You know, I'm looking at this photo and it's starting to creep me out. Is it just me, or does Shaun look like he's about to take a big bite of my brain?
If there's one thing that's hell for a shy kid, it's having to stand up in front of all the campers, walk to the front of the building, and pick up your Quietest Camper Award. They were all watching me - with their beady little eyes! Their beady little eyes!!!!!!
Hey everybody, it's a Klingonoid Biped! Until I got this manual, I was unaware that Klingons had smooth genital areas, just like GI Joe and Ken.
I'm not sure why they included these sexual positions in the medical manual, but I would have preferred not to know what happens when a desperate lonely spaceman takes advantage of a drunken alien.
How many people are really going to be injured while sitting in a chair? Isn't this procedure a complete waste of time? Plus now it's far more likely that you'll need to figure out how to carry the many injured crewmen who have mistakenly sat on the stick.
I am far more disburbed by the patients enormous nipples than by his horrific burns.