Thursday, April 20, 2006

OSI's Next Project?....The Bionic Black Bear

Remember when OSI thought they should test their bionics on someone other than Steve Austin? So they rebuilt Jaime Sommers. Then they rebuilt a dog. Then they just went nuts and rebuilt the outer space Bigfoot. Well, how can they top that, I wondered. They can't just keep chucking bionics into anything that moves. But I was wrong because soon after came... the Bionic Boy!

Yes, Vince Van Patten IS the Bionic Boy. That's right. He doesn't just play the Bionic Boy, he IS a bionic boy. They actually rebuilt him. It was in the contract that whoever won the role would have to replace their own legs with bionics. Now this might seem like pretty cool until you realize that the doctors who are operating on you are actually fellow actors. Then the whole bionic thing seems like a bad nightmare.

Oh. He's not bionic after all. That headline was very misleading, but I'm glad to know that Vince didn't need to let some character actor remove his legs with a rusty knife.

I always liked Vince Van Patten. He just seemed like a nice kid, plus he's one of THE Van Pattens. So how can you beat that? I really wish they had made the Bionic Boy a weekly tv show. But I guess the tv industry can't sustain three bionic shows all at once. I mean really, how different could it be from the other two? I suppose Vince could somehow use his bionics to save a fellow student that is stuck under a table in the cafeteria. Or Oscar Goldman could hire him as the youngest member of OSI, because no one would suspect a kid was working for a secret agency.


Calzone said...

That kid is totally hot!!!

JimTex said...

Vince is now a big-time poker commentator on the Travel Channel's various poker showdown programs. Man I hated him as a kid. Okay, I admit it was purely out of jealousy.

Chris Jart said...

What?! VInce is a poker commentator? Why do I feel so let down?