Monday, September 26, 2005

I'm going to marry Shaun Cassidy

Aaaaaaaiiiiiieeeeeeeee!!! Shaun Cassidy! Oh my god!!! He's soooooo cute! And he sings too! Yup, I liked Shaun. This is actually a pretty good bubblegum song, and would have fit right in with the Top 40.

I'll trade you a peanut butter cracker for two Wacky Packages

I used to love Wacky Packages. They were stickers sold in packs with bubblegum. The stickers parodied real products and were really popular in the early 1970s. I tried to collect every single one. Then I stuck them on my bike or in other stupid places. I think at one point I was sticking them all on the back of my bedroom door. Here's the only one I have left.

Mork and His Suspenders of Dementia

I hate to say it, but I used to be a big fan of Mork and Mindy. Among the posters I had on my bedroom walls were two of Mork. Plus I bought one pack of the bubblegum cards. Yup, that's right, one pack. Even as a kid I found these bubblegum cards to be extremely lame. They'd have been cooler if there wasn't that stupid dialog on them. I really hope those weren't actual lines on the show, because they aren't funny.

Monday, September 19, 2005

I got a letter from who???

It's really surprising to come home and find a mass produced autographed picture of Barry Manilow in your mailbox. It's even more surprising when you don't actually like Barry Manilow and have no recollection of writing him a fan letter. Was it an elaborate prank, or did I write to him years before in a fit of dementia? I never did figure it out.

The After Effects of Defacing Jan Brady

In 1973 when I was sick, my dad brought home a copy of Spec magazine for me to read. It was a teen mag, but I thought it was terrible. 1973 was the same year I defaced the 5x7 fan club photo of Jan Brady.

Apparently that was the start of a life long process of blackening teeth and making thought bubbles on photographs of things I dislike, look funny, or deserve to be mocked. Here is my slide down the slippery slope that is photo desecration. I really seemed to throw myself into it.

I hated this magazine so much that three years later in 1976 I wrote on the cover, "Spec is the worst magazine I ever read. I like 16 and Tiger Beat." I also saw fit to sign and date that declaration. No one shall ask me why I hung on to a magazine I hated for three years.

Chip Hand and Rad Pera weren't bad looking kids. They just happened to be in the wrong place at the wrong time. Thus they were designated part of the clown brigade.

Ow, my eyes! That wallpaper is unbelievable...and I'd paper my entire house in it if I could find it now. David Williams had a twin brother named Andy Williams. He also posed in front of this wallpaper in the same clothing. I could never figure out what the Williams had done to get their pictures in the teen mags. I think they sang, but I never heard anything by them.

Poor David Cassidy. I never really liked David, but he's a sensitive soul. Here we find out the truth about the tears behind his smile. Well I say dance clown, dance!!!

Another group I never liked - the Osmond Brothers. Yup. In my eyes, one's a clown, one's got an old lady granny hairdo, and the other is apparently a spaceman as I've written beep beep above his head. I guess I spared Donny because he's the youngest and the cutest. I'm grasping at straws here, but I would guess I spared the other guy because he's got a picture of Tito sticking out of his chest.

Can you be Randy's girl? Do you really want a man who's got giant pink lips and the start of jaundice? I think not. I used to watch Emergency every week, but I liked the other guy better. Since I didn't color his whole face, I must have considered him less offensive. Either that or I was tired of doing clown faces.

The last entry in Spec's Clown-o-saurus was a double whammy. Donny may be a clown, but David is the newest member of Kiss, which in 1976 I considered a bigger insult. I even went so far as to decide whether they were stuck up or not. You see, Donny is close to his family and down to earth. Yet David is always whining about how tough life is and the tears behind his smile. Get a grip, man!!

Those Wacky Roommates - what will they do next?

My mom wouldn't let me watch this show because she said it was an insult to my intelligence. Try explaining that to the kids at school when they're all talking about last nights episode. It was all the same premise anyway - there is a misunderstanding, usually about sex, but it's all straightened out by the end of the show.

Sunday, September 11, 2005

An New World of Personal Electronics, Indeed

This was part of the first stereo system I ever owned. I remember pondering the option of 8-Track or cassette...and picking 8 Track. The record player that came with the system was really touchy and often albums skipped when I tried to play them. That was such a drag.

The coolest thing about the 8 Track player was that it recorded! You could record songs off the radio. Plus just plug in a microphone and record your friends goofing around, or yourself singing. I still have the 8 Track I recorded on, but haven't dared to listen to it since the 70s. It would probably not only be funny, but super embarrassing to hear.

This weeks guests - Charo, McLean Stevenson, Eva Gabor, Bill Bixby, Larry Storch, and Shecky Green

I loved the Love Boat. Every Saturday my brother and I watched it. You had to catch the opening credits to see who the guest stars would be that week. I can't stand to watch it now - it's so stupid - but back in the 70s, I couldn't get enough of it.

In this Halloween episode, hijinx ensued as Captain Stubing accidentally cut someone's throat with his hook while reaching for the rolls at dinner. Gopher thought it was fake blood and went into his vampire act. While Isaac - Your Bartender - freaked out about the torches in the Tiki Lounge, and Julie curled up to old actor guest star, Ray Bolger, in her cat suit. Truly one of the more disgusting Love Boat episodes.

Monday, September 05, 2005

Don't Mess with the Demon in the Spooky Black Satan Car

This movie scared me. I admit it. Who wouldn't be scared? It's a creepy car driven by Satan! The ending was pretty stupid, but that car was so damn spooky. It even got into a garage without anyone noticing. The damn thing was everywhere James Brolin went. Maybe he should have married it. "I ,James Brolin, take you, creepy Satan car..."

Starsky and Hutch, Sitting in a Tree...

I never watched this when it was originally on, but I have seen it in reruns and it's great - if you like dated seventies culture, and I certainly do! Is it just me, or does this photo really look as if these two are a couple rather than a team of detectives? I think it's the hand on the shoulder, the larger than life laugh, and the incredibly hideous shirt made from my grandmothers patchwork quilt.

Live! Action! Kids!

Saturday morning - the best day of the week. No school, no church, and tv shows just for kids! My parents would only let me watch one show on Saturday morning. But if they were out, I'd turn the tv on and bask in the glory that is the live action kids show. I liked those better than the cartoons. Most of the shows were only on for a short time.

Monster Squad was about wax museum monsters who come to life at night and are controlled by a teenage boy. The teenage boy was played be Fred Grandy, who shortly afterwards shot to fame as Gopher on the Love Boat. Fred must have been in his mid twenties so it's odd that he's playing a teenage boy.

Also of note is Big John Little John, which was about a 45 year old teacher who drank some water from the fountain of youth and would change into a 12 year old boy... and back again. He couldn't control when he changed, so of course hijinx would ensue over and over again. The boy was played by Robbie Rist, best known for playing Cousin Oliver on the last few episodes of the Brady Bunch.

Robot For Sale, Says "beedie beedie beedie" and Other Annoying Things

Buck Rogers was never one of my favorite shows, but I watched it faithfully every week. I was too young to notice that Buck's pants, if you can call them that, are a bit tight in the crotch. I guess it was the whole scifi thing that I loved. But if there's one thing I hated about that show it was Tweekie. I'm not even sure if that's how his name is spelled, but everytime I heard him saying "beedie beedie beedie..." it drove me nuts. In fact, just typing it here makes me want to punch that stupid robot in the brain.

Wimps and Tomboys need not apply

Oh yeah! I wish I'd had one of these. I seem to recall the commercial showing a kid spinning out by pushing the levers in two different directions. But the ad says it's for "guys 8,9,10 years old who really know how to ride." So what if you're a girl who's a better athlete than all the boys in the neighborhood? Does that mean you're not allowed to own one? Did a force of security actually make you prove the gender of the kid who would ride it? And were you also required to prove that your boy wasn't the kid who screamed "We'll get in trouble" or "I'll tell" anytime some exciting caper came up?