Monday, October 24, 2005

Drink This Potion, I Swear It's Harmless

Here is another of the books I got at the book fair when I was in grade school. The cover would have sucked me in, even if it weren't a classic horror story. They just don't make covers like this anymore.

We Don't Need No Stinkin' Pirates!

Here is my brother, his friend Mike, and me pretending to be pirates. The hats we are wearing are McDonalds pirate hats with a skull and crossbones drawing taped over the McDonalds logo. Seriously, who wants to pretend to be a pirate with a big M on your hat? No one thats who!!

I'm not sure why McDonalds was giving out pirate hats. They used to have a pirate character, maybe that's why. The thing I find the most disturbing is our make up. It's like we were attacked by a blind greasepaint artist. Our scars are drawn with the same black as our beards, thus making us look pretty damn insane...then again, maybe that makes us great pirates.

This Was My Life??

Someone gave me a diary when I was a kid. I hung onto it for a number of years, not knowing what to do with it. Then in 1978 I decided to give it a try. This was unfortunate because that was the year I had a crush on my science teacher and mostly wrote stupid things like, "he looked so cute in that white shirt" or "I made sure I was standing in the hallway when he walked by."

A few years ago, I came across the diary and in a fit of embarrassment, threw it away. It really was a waste of paper. The only pages I kept were from a camping trip that my brother and I took with my grandparents. This is kind of odd as the only memorable parts of this trip were that I was a teenager who was embarrassed to be with my grandparents, and the now legendary Cheetos Incident, which is brought up at least once a year at a family dinner - but never when my grandmother is there.

Oh boy... wasn't that swell, kids? I think you can read the scan okay. The only thing you may question is where it says "I was Moe, Bri was Curly." Yeah, that's right, we were pretending to be the Three Stooges. I remember my brother singing a song about the rock, saying it was Curly's shoe. Or maybe that was another day, and he tripped again but this time on a shoe? I seriously doubt we'd be hanging out in the amphitheater more than one day pretending to be the Three Stooges. I wonder if my brother remembers this?

The strange thing is I avoided reading that diary for years, but now that I've thrown it away, I think it would be hysterical to read about the crush I had on my teacher and the really stupid things I wrote. "Saw him three times in the hall today. He's so cute." Good lord.....

Tuesday, October 18, 2005

Let's Just Call It Bosley's Chicks

Okay, I'm sorry, but this just will not do. You can not call it Charlie's Angels when the only real Angel is Jacklyn Smith and your premiere is aboard the Love Boat. And to make matters even worse, two of your biggest guest stars are Bert Convy and Bo Hopkins. God damn it!! Beads of desperation are forming on Bosley's five o'clock shadowed upper lip because he knows soon he'll be out of a job. This is not a pretty sight.

You've Got to Be Mickey... We Already Called Davy, Peter, and Mike

My friends and I loved the Monkees. We'd watch their tv show in afternoon reruns, and we'd even play that we were the band. My brother would play Mike which may have been due to the hat. My friend Jennifer would be Davy because she thought he was cute. I would be Peter because I thought he was cute and funny. And we would force Bri's friend Mike to be Mickey. You ever notice in every group of kids there's that always one that gets pushed around? It's some sort of strange natural selection thing, but if the four of us were together, that would be Mike. So Mike never got a choice of who he was going to be. Nope kid, tough luck - you're Mickey again. No matter how the poor guy tried to call someone else, we always mentally beat him into submission and made him Mickey.

Evel Be Thy Name

George Hamilton as the king of the daredevils? Never!!!! Somehow I just don't think old George and his florescent tan are going to cut it. Why do I question whether he's really up to portraying that baseball bat wielding, sky jumping maniac? Well basically because I don't think George Hamilton is ever going to do this -

Friday, October 14, 2005

Apparently I'm Not The Only One Who Hated Her

Here's another Brady Bunch paperback, but I want you to notice something. There are only five kids shown on the front cover. Who do you think is missing? Who is the odd man out? Who could it be?

Oh we all know who's missing. That's right, it's Jan. Big-wig-wearing, bad-eyesight-bicycle-crashing, pretend-boyfriend-dating, every-club-at-school-joining, ugly-aunt-resembling, lame-practical-joke-playing, silver-braces-wearing, goofy-glasses-hiding, older-sister-envying, sad sad little Jan.

Cheap Trick Rocked!

Here's an ad for a concert I saw in 1979. I went with a couple of friends who got stoned, fell asleep, and slept through the band. Then a guy behind them dropped burning embers from a joint on one girls shoulder. It burned a small hole in her shirt before he flicked it off. She barely roused before drifting off again. What my shirt is burning, snoooooore.

I just want to know how can you sleep through a rock band?! Yay I get to see my favorite band. I pass out now. What a couple of idiots!

Swoon, he's got a Columbia!

Remember when ten speeds first became popular? Wow! Although I guess I missed the boat because I did'nt "focus on Columbia" when I was a kid. Maybe that's why I didn't have pride of ownership. If only I'd had that Columbia bike, I would have been popular with the fellows and I wouldn't have had to loathe my own ten speed.... actually since when did a ten speed make you popular? The cool kids had the massive sissy bars on back and the extra long fork on their front wheel - great for popping wheelies or for loaning your bike to someone and watching them lose control.

Goodie Goodie Yum Yum

Does anyone remember the Goodies? It was a British comedy that was shown on PBS probably around 1977. Tim, Graham, and Bill were always running around getting into trouble. I don't remember much about the episodes. But here are some foggy memories about a few episodes:
  1. Eckythumpf - the martial art that I think involved hitting someone over the head with a blood sausage
  2. Tie Me Kangeroo Down Sport kept playing repeatedly and I think people were turning into Rolf Harris
  3. Getting stuck in the middle of the ocean taking care of a lighthouse because Bill thought the ad read a little light housekeeping.

I just remember it as a really funny show, and I'd like to see it again. Of course, this photo is from when I wrote to PBS to ask for more info and how I could write to the stars.

Sunday, October 09, 2005

Dr. Syn, Highwayman....Scarecrow

I saw this film on the Wonderful World of Disney. I don't remember much about it, except that freakin' scarecrow creeped me out.

Terrible Fashion of the late 70s

In 1979 I started going to concerts. This was probably my third concert. Journey and Sweet - and Sweet was the opener! How they must have loathed opening for Journey. It was at the Civic Center, but was only a half house show.
At that time I liked actually getting to the show early and picking out a spot right down in front next to the barricade. I always brought my crappy little 110 camera to take photos. I took this picture of Steve Perry, which is the best photo of the night. Yet I still can't help be disturbed that his purple shirt is unbuttoned and tied in a knot at his midriff. Oh the humanity!

Bobby Freakin' Sherman

Bobby Sherman always seemed really old to me and I could never figure out why he was all over the teen magazines. He seemed ancient. It was like having someone my dad's age in those mags. But I'll give him credit for having his own comic book. What I really like about this, besides Bobby in cartoon form, is that even though it is issue #1, it proudly proclaims to have all new stories and all new art.

Oscar, Oscar, Oscar...

I really liked the Odd Couple. In fact, I liked them so much that I wrote them a fan letter. I have no idea what it said, but I did get a response which included promo photos and a postcard. The autographs aren't real. They're printed on the postcard, but it was still exciting to see them. It seems kind of odd to me now that as a ten year old I would be that into a show about a neatnick and a gambling cigar smoking sports writer.

Sunday, October 02, 2005

Bigfoot...the name says it all

The Krofft Supershow - where do I sign up? Kaptain Kool and the Kongs were the dorkiest band ever, but I adored Bigfoot and Wildboy. In fact, I was even a member of Joseph Butchers Fan Club - he played Wildboy. You just know I've still got all the fan club stuff, including a lovely 8x10 glossy of Bigfoot and Wildboy!

So to sum up:
Kaptain Kool and the Kongs?... lame lame lame and lame
Bigfoot and Wildboy?.... totally cool
hilarious new Magic Mongo?... doesn't even ring a bell, but in the picture he does look kind of like Joe Peschi, and I suspect if I can't remember him at all, he wasn't so hilarious.

Oh I also must mention that in the picture Bigfoot appears to be twice the size of Wildboy, but in actuality, he was probably about a foot taller.

I Have a Sweater With Your Name on It

When I was three I must have written a letter to Mr. Rogers, because I have this picture of him that is postmarked from January 1968. Since I was only three years old, my parents must have written the letter for me. I'm sure it was scintillating. Now if only I still had my autographed picture of Sesame Street's Mr. Hooper - which was actually quite a disappointment at the time since I had written the fan letter to Bob.

When I Grow Up I Want to Be Just Like Them

I am sure the prospect of the Sweathogs breaking up bothered my young mind to distraction. Now I just wonder why I thought Horshack was so incredibly funny. I probably would have resorted to verbal fisticuffs if anyone dared make a suggestion to the contrary.

Sonny Minus Cher Equals Failure

Even as a kid, I knew this show was horrible and could only stand to watch it once. It must have been a complete shock to Sonny that Cher was the star of the act. I don't think it was on the air very long, but it shouldn't have been a shock. Because when people tune in to see a "comedy revue", they expect to see something funny.